I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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