Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize