With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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