Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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