No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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