when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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