Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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