She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize