Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how can u be prego again
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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This is my gift to your gina
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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