just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
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I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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