and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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