All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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