From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
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At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize