I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
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The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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