remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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