Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize