you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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