why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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