Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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