shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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