I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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