i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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