Pregnant stripper...not hot.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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