Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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