This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize