Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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