I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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