i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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