Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You made out with two different species that night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize