I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
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maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize