please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My hand turned me down
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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