I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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