this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
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You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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