She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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