we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
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Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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