I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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