I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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