He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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