I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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