i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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