There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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