I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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