I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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