I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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