My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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