just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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