Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize