[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize