he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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