and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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