Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize