i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize