I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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